Bonjour Monsieur De Clieu!

Dearest internet,

Having opened up Pandora's Box in the last post here, I decided to succumb to the bewitchment of Fitzroy once again so I floated down in a rain of sparkles to De Clieu. 

The circle above the door clearly says 'De Clieu' in reality (as opposed to what? My imagination?) but the lighting was kinda off.

 They were able to seat us straight away and I kinda looked at them like "What? Sorry? I don't have to wait an hour for a seat at the bar AND give you my firstborn as down payment?"  I almost flung myself at the waitress in a fit of sobbing gratitude.

Notice a trend? I always sit where I can fixate on all the glorious food at the counter.

Cosy nook near the front. If I am not mistaken, you can purchase your very own French press from the back wall for all you go-getters with the extra willpower to get up earlier in the morning to make their own coffee.  I SALUTE YOU (... from the comfort of my warm bed... in my dreams).

Do not be deceived by that little area sectioned off by the grill.  It is NOT an outdoor seating area; you see that gentlemen there?  He is, in fact, only a reflection.

He was actually sitting here.  Something my evidently addled mind did not grasp until he got up and left.

This is a latte (not mine), made with Five Senses coffee.  I have always thought of myself as a highly enthusiastic bubble fan, but I was distressed to find that I change my tune when it replaces latte art.  How DARE you ruin my Instagram feed?!  (Jokes guys chill lol I'm not that insane).  However, despite being slightly under-dressed, I am told that it did taste decent.

Mocha, stronger on the chocolate.

I would say the chocolate taste was equal to the coffee, but I think I would have preferred it slightly more chocolate-y (wow, you could mistake me for a linguist with such precise descriptive terms).  Definitely not complaining though!

Alight listen up, public service announcement time.
These babies right here are the BEST soft-shell crab sliders / burgers I've ever had in a Melbourne cafe and modesty priced at $13.  For once I didn't bite into the burger, hit the crab and felt like I've licked a Himalayan salt lamp.  The salad (a mix of greens and pickles) was lightly dressed which was refreshing in-between bites of the spicy crab.  The streak of mayonnaise at the back with peanuts(?) was heaven.  Was I meant to mix it with the salad, was I meant to add it to the burger? Who know and who cares when it tastes that good c'mon.

These will fill you up, no worries.  I reckon they're the equivalent of one large burger (but with more soft-shell crab).  I believe their menu changes quite often (my my how thrilling!), so I won't note what else was available as it'll likely be redundant by the time you read this.  Nonetheless, I will delightedly report to you that they will always remain a loyal friend to vegans / vegetarians.

Yeah, that's about it.  I'll leave you with this photo because I took it and waste not want not right?  See you soon loves x

De Clieu

187 Gertrude Street,

Fitzroy VIC 3065

[No website(?) so go to Zomato for deets]

  

Party at Stagger Lee's!

Dearest internet,

I woke up feeling hipster yesterday so I decided to casually saunter down and assimilate myself into the cult (...ure) that is the glory of Fitzroy.

Took a photo of the entrance of Stagger Lee's and since it didn't turn out blurry (and therefore, utilisable!) I took it as a sign that I should enter (jokes, I stalked it on Urbanspoon first like we all do. edit: which has now changed to Zomato).

Stagger Lee you're so polite!  Don't mind if I do.  

I made myself comfortable at the end of the communal table...

... as it gave the best vantage point of the food display cabinet.

Laboratory glass cold dip brewer just chillin' on the table.

If breathing in second-hand smoke floats your boat, feel free to sit outside.

Latte (not mine).  Made with Proud Mary roasted beans if the numerous packets on the shelves are not just there to look pretty.

Emojis materialised < 3

A thoroughly enjoyable mocha; if I can taste chocolate and not just a tidal wave of coffee I've had a good time.  Um also total bonus with the two marshmallows the barista popped on the side.  HE'S A KEEPER.

Tried their chorizo and cheese quesadilla which was excellent, so much so I ended up ordering another to take-away.  Never before in my life have I done that.  I'll let that sink in.  Problem is, I can't pronounce 'quesadilla' properly so it was all a bit "I'll have the *mumble* please! (points at item) up in there for a while.  Disclaimer: definitely can't comment on its authenticity peeps.

I perused their menu too, and they offer some testosterone charged options like 'THE MAN CAVE GRANOLA' and 'BBQ BEEF BRISKET TOASTY'.  I'm very much inclined towards the 'Buttermilk Fried Chicken' and I'll be sure to go with an empty stomach next time (yes, there will be a next!).  Fret not alternative-diet friends, they are all-inclusive with vegan, vegetarian and paleo alternatives.  Nut allergy?  No problem!  They indicate that on the menu (no more fear of potential death hurrah!).

Waitstaff are very friendly and chilled.  If you like prompt service without being hounded constantly, this place is for you.

BONUS BLURRY PIC:

An evidently rushed photo as I didn't want that table of boys mistakenly thinking I was taking their pics for souvenirs.  

BTW the little corridor on the left towards the back leads to the bathroom.  I feel it my civil duty to like-minded hygiene freaks to note that it was clean, I didn't have to grab a key or step foot outside, there was soap and paper towels and it didn't smell nasty (at that point in time) so no complaints.  Be warned, there is only one toilet for each gender so factor in waiting time because no one wants a questionable puddle on the floor.  

On that pleasant note, see you soon loves x

Stagger Lee's
276 Brunswick Street,
Fitzroy VIC 3065
http://staggerlees.com.au/

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Why Hello Sailor!

Dearest internet,

I just had a little look through my photos folder and it's definitely time to have a clear out before I start finding dead cats hidden under mouldy files.  

I tend to enjoy eating anything that's edible, and sometimes unwittingly find that I have eaten things that are not (I swear I didn't know!).  That said, if I find something questionable you know you need to avoid it like the bubonic plague.

I digress.  Let's start with a little positivity on this page, however, and I can't think of anything that evokes happy like this elegant set-up called 'Hello Sailor'.

Just look at that table, my my my. Who else is imagining themselves in a Sorrento beach house...

... influenced by Scandinavian design (perhaps?)

Is that a mocha?  I usually order mochas so it must be... and so I've answered myself.  On a side note, they offer the ever evasive almond milk!  REJOICE ALL YE LACTARDS!  Seven Seeds coffee I believe, and Mörk hot chocolate.  Yep, they brought in the big guns, and yes, its taste packs quite a robust punch.

Another angle because it was looking particularly beguiling.

I can't remember what this dish was called exactly but it went a little like this: soft eggs, soldiers (they come gluten-free for a reasonable extra $1.00 as your wish is their command), homemade hot sauce with two sides of home-made baked beans and smoked salmon.  Loved every aspect of this, would order again no hesitation!

#tbt.  Not really, it's not Thursday. (Oh, you don't care?)  This photo is from a while back when they were newly opened.  A banana chocolate chip and tomato with herbs were the picks of the day.  I believe they still offer a savoury and a sweet muffin option every single day (dedication!).  Very worth scoffing down, consistently lovely flavours and a soft, fluffy interior; it's a choice that's never let me down (my flab would like to mention here that it tells me otherwise).

Edit:  Found more food!  I present the smoked salmon bagel:  it was a solid choice, but the smoked salmon was a tad too salty.

Hello Sailor
89 Auburn Road,

Hawthorn VIC 3122

http://www.hellosailorcafe.com.au/

  

Yeeaahhh, that's it.  I'm awkward at goodbyes so please just look away now and I'll slink away slowly.  See you soon loves x

Rum Balls

Dearest internet,

Woke up and decided to make rum balls because I wanted to eat something chocolate-ty (hah! like that's something new?) but required no effort on my part (read: baking).  I decided that this momentous occasion required documenting.

Ingredients

- 1 packet x Arnott's Plain Biscuits (i.e. Marie, Nice, Milk Coffee, Milk Arrowroot)

- 5 tblsp x Cocoa Powder

- 3 tblsp x Milk (I used soy milk because that's what I had in the fridge lol)

- 1 can x Nestle Condensed Milk (feel free to use the skim version, tastes the same to me)

- 1 cup x Shredded Coconut + 1 cup extra for rolling

1.  Take the plain biscuits and turn it into a flour.  Process them in a food processor or, if you're like me, chuck them into a Glad Snaplock bag and have at it with a mallet.  Hey, it ain't pretty but it does the trick (sorta)!

2. Add in the cocoa.

3. Pour in the soy milk. 

4. Open the can of condensed milk...

... and pour it all in.

5.  Mix it all up to create this glorious mess.

Continue until you reach this stage:

7.  Line a tupperware box with baking paper so you can store it in an air-tight container.  I just re-read what I wrote and realised that I've turned into my mother.

8. Roll them into balls (about a 50c piece size?) and coat them in the coconut.

END RESULT.  Definitely not picturesque but my mouth isn't complaining!

WOW. SUCH CHOCOLATE. MUCH YUM.